file under: dream of oppressive weight
after lots of flitting, panoramic dreams of walking with N through massive apartment buildings, tying to decide which one we wanted to live in (probably inspired by a series of photos i ran across a few days ago of battleship island), i had a very short but disturbing dream just before waking up.
in this last dream, there is nothing to see - it's all black (i think i'm basically waking up). i know i'm in bed, sleeping face down. i have a very sudden memory of running after a red rubber ball as a baby (there is a photo of me, maybe 6 or 9 months old, holding the red ball that i'm dreaming about).
anyway, as i have this flash of past events, some unseen but very heavy thing sits on the edge of the bed next to me, its weight causing the mattress to dip downward severely. i try to roll over and sit up, but my body is essentially unresponsive. i try saying something to N, who is asleep beside me, but i can't get my mouth to form words. my brain is basically struggling against the dead weight of my body.
eventually, after long moments of focused effort, i'm able to sit up and grab a part of this amorphous thing that's next to me on the bed. i try to lean back and pull it down a bit, like a wrestling move, but it doesn't budge (too big, too heavy) and i think to myself, "what the hell is this thing?"
that's when i fully wake up. N is not, in fact, asleep beside me (she went out to run errands hours ago). there are no lights on in the apartment and it's completely dark (even though it's only 5:30pm or so - winter daylight!)
it's funny, because i ran across a website devoted to lucid dreaming earlier this morning. that feeling of trying to get my body to move is reminiscent of such things.
but the ominous feeling of that brief dream also reminded me of a recurring dream i used to have as a kid, where i'd be pinned against the ceiling of my room by something evil that i could not see. those dreams always scared me.
in this last dream, there is nothing to see - it's all black (i think i'm basically waking up). i know i'm in bed, sleeping face down. i have a very sudden memory of running after a red rubber ball as a baby (there is a photo of me, maybe 6 or 9 months old, holding the red ball that i'm dreaming about).
anyway, as i have this flash of past events, some unseen but very heavy thing sits on the edge of the bed next to me, its weight causing the mattress to dip downward severely. i try to roll over and sit up, but my body is essentially unresponsive. i try saying something to N, who is asleep beside me, but i can't get my mouth to form words. my brain is basically struggling against the dead weight of my body.
eventually, after long moments of focused effort, i'm able to sit up and grab a part of this amorphous thing that's next to me on the bed. i try to lean back and pull it down a bit, like a wrestling move, but it doesn't budge (too big, too heavy) and i think to myself, "what the hell is this thing?"
that's when i fully wake up. N is not, in fact, asleep beside me (she went out to run errands hours ago). there are no lights on in the apartment and it's completely dark (even though it's only 5:30pm or so - winter daylight!)
it's funny, because i ran across a website devoted to lucid dreaming earlier this morning. that feeling of trying to get my body to move is reminiscent of such things.
but the ominous feeling of that brief dream also reminded me of a recurring dream i used to have as a kid, where i'd be pinned against the ceiling of my room by something evil that i could not see. those dreams always scared me.
posted by pf at
5:37 PM
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